4-22-08

I was contacted today by a previous client who happened to check in with my site and was concerned because I hadn't updated my blog in so long, and the last one was so depressing.

What a difference 7 months can make!

I had a little bit of a "rest" for a week at the end of Sept. A forced vacation. I had just mentally broken! What was interesting was while I was in the hospital a chaplain came to talk to me (I'm not particularly religeous, but I figured I would talk to anyone I could) and she hit on a key point in my life.

I was grieving. I had lost my old self, my relationship with one of my daughters, my marriage was changing, my home was in peril... It was just too much to take.The grief was a running theme through all of them.

I came home and took charge of my life in some fashion; I still have many health issues so it's a challenge, but I did one thing at a time and was able to get stronger and stronger.

Just before Thanksgiving my daughter suddenly contacted me and rekindled our relationship, and that was one of the most healing things ever.

The friday before Christmas my husband got laid off, and that was a huge blow. The bigger blow was that he was actually okay with it, and very happy doing nothing. For good. He decided he just didn't require that much out of life, and didn't see the need... hm...

I give a lot of leeway in a relationship, but that is an area that I have an issue with, you have to have a goal in life! Or something... I asked him to move out and advertised for a roommate. He was confused, he said he was content. Of course he was! I was bringing in most of the money and worrying about the bills! Sheesh.... So, I ended up getting a roommate. Oh, if only my psychic ability worked for me....

March was the month from hell. This woman was psychotic! She stank, refused to bathe, constantly was interrupting me, asking me to do things and then changing her mind.... I was like a puppet and felt like I was back living with my crazy alcoholic mother. Halfway through the month I was guided to an amazing video through Netflix online on Boundaries; it changed my life. It taught me how to stand up for myself and protect myself. It was amazing.

She had not paid the second half of the rent, and then at the end of the month informed me that she wouldn't be paying it, she just couldn't. I had visions of the movie Pacific Heights with Michael Keaton. I did everything legal and went toe to toe with her, and had her out in 5 days!

I still am out the money, I have three checks from her that she says will be good next month, but we will see. I have wanted to move back into my room (she had the larger room for more rent). It has taken all this time to get the stench out, my cleaning lady has tried everything... and she is a miracle worker. We have tried enzymes on the carpet in the room that is carpeted (there are two rooms) and I cannot get the stench of cat out. It's not heavy, it's just on and off after we have done carpet cleaning, enzyme treatments, washing the walls, incense.... I don't know what else to try!!! Email me if you have suggestions.

So, things are going better. Glitter is moving, I'm advertising at the beginning of the month to do readings, and my husband and I are working on things slowly. He is finally getting it.... :)

Now I just need a way for some good income so I don't have to go through the crazy house thing again!



9-21-07

I have no idea what is going on these days.

The planets are misaligned or something; my life is quickly approaching the worst point it's ever been at. All I can do at this point is immerse myself in the websites for now just to keep my mind off of everything else. I can't sleep at night, things are so full in my brain I'm afraid stuff is going to start leaking out of my ears.

Today the Elemental Runes page has been updated; I suppose many people go there thinking it's a gaming site, that's why it gets so many hits, but oh well. It also had the old owl-lady email address on it, so I was not receiving any emails if anyone did try to contact me.

Now I'm working on the stone meaning site, and hopefully getting some ordering up on that page.

Then projects and ideas updated on the glass glitter site.

If there is any soul who actually reads this and wants something updated or written email me.

If anyone had a job such as having their websites updated periodically, or data entry done, or graphic design done, email me too.

We are about to lose our house (again), and it SUCKS. I hate my life right now.

I hate being disabled and not being able to go out and get a real job. I hate that there is so much that I have to offer and I could do so much from my home but I have no idea where to start looking without all the bullshit schemes, and I just don't have the time or energy for that.

I'm also family-less, so if there is a rich person (or just comfortable) who is looking to adopt a fairly humorous extremely talented 46 year old girl I'm here for you.

I have no life since I have problems getting out of the house, so if you are one of the brilliant broken housebound forgotten by society feel free to call me, we can talk. 608-397-7495. I have to do something or I will go crazy here.

Last night I had a horrendous pain in my leg, the leg that usually doesn't hurt; I thought it could be a blood clot, and I was hoping it was; I laid down and tried to shake it loose so it could knock loose and get to my brain so things could just be over with.

If you've ever seen the movie "the Snake Pit", I'm down there screaming with her, but she gets out and they keep getting the paperwork wrong to be able to get me out. (yes I've taken my meds today.)

I'm thinking of having a half price sale and just getting rid of all the glitter and beads, and closing that business; I have had 4 orders in the past month, and I cannot believe that I have such a great product, a fabulous website and sales are not better. Something is wrong with that. It's as if there is a team just developed to do whatever they can to create failure for whatever I put my energy into;

I know that sounds paranoid, but just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

I haven't taken a picture in months, which is so rare, but you can only take so many pictures of your feet... I've plateaued now at just over 200, of course, I can't seem to break 200, but I have lost over 150 pounds in just under a year. That does feel good, wearing bluejeans with a zipper instead of strechy pants.

Now I'm just blabbering. I'm so tired, I just passed out from exhaustion (emotional and mental) last night, and woke at 3am, so I'm a little punchy.

I just got a phone call from my massage therpist, and I was ready for them to say they had to cancel my appointment today. It would be just perfect for the way things are going this week; but they just want me to come early, so I must go.

Love, Light and Sparkles for now,

Vanessa

8-29-2006 It's even more quiet now.. The baby and momma have gone home, and my house has returned to just the two of us and the cat(s). I have a ghost cat. It's the most amazing thing; every night after I get in bed my cat comes in for her scratches, and then leaves for a bit-- then comes back and curls up at my feet. Then I feel a soft "poof" on the bed which took me a while to figure out; it feels like a very light pillow being dropped on the bed. Then I can feel it walking across the bed and coming toward me, then starting to pad on me like cats do. It will do this for a while, then plop down against my back or my leg. My cat sometimes will get up to see what's going on and hiss, and get very creeped out; sometimes she doesn't even notice. I'd love to catch it on video somehow.

I printed out calendars to mark the countdown to the surgery. Once upon a time I worked at a very uptight place where the person who felt she was better than everyone else (and it worked on me for a while) saw my calendar when I was crossing off days for the countdown to a vacation. She asked what it was for; when I told her, she looked at me strangely and said "how sad..." and walked away. It struck me very strongly-- I felt like there was something wrong with me for doing my calendar countdown that way. I really was in a funk about it, and lots of other things she said to me. Funny, today I can't even remember her name. I also know that countdowns on a calendar are a positive thing, looking forward to something wonderful coming into your life. She was a very uptight anal retentive controlling person who really feared my intelligence and ability; I know that now. It took a long time to convince myself of that.

Love, Light and Sparkles for now,

Vanessa

8-16-2006 It's quiet now. The baby is sleeping, and so is the mommy. Well, now she woke up-- moments of quiet were treasured. My daughter and granddaughter have been visiting this month, and it has been a circus, bright, loud, exciting, scary at times, exhausting, exhilarating, and will be over way too fast, and as soon as they go and I stretch in my big quiet house enjoying the lack of screeching and exitement, I'll cry because I miss it...

We got inked today, my daughter/mother and I. We got a triqueta on the back of our necks, representing the maiden/mother/crone. It was perfect timing for me, since I am at a big change in my life. October 12 my gastric bypass surgery is coming up. It will be an obvious large change in all things in my life; My daughter is getting married in March so it will be nice to feel better when we go there for that.

I have so many things with issues around this surgery; my problems with my weight and food obsessed sister and mother; my obsession with chairs not fitting me; my energy level being so bad; my problem with clothing; fitting into booths at restaurants; I guess overall just feeling 'normal'. I know it will take a long time to feel that way, and I have lots of work to go through; but I'm ready for the challenge and the time to work on me for a change. Time to let the kid go to bed;

Love, Light and Sparkles for now,

Vanessa

2-15-2006 This week has been a whirlwind. This morning I was on 95.7 The Rock, and had a great time doing readings on the air. Tonight I'll be on WKBT channel 8 news regarding my readings and psychic abilities. I'm feeling better than ever, my business is going great (in spite of the DVR who was supposed to help me), and am taking a writing class. Matthew and I are doing great; My kitchen is coming along great, the woodwork being installed is amazing. I have had the least stress in my life at this point. We refinanced the house, paid off some bills, got the kitchen stuff done and are doing great. We actually had a Christmas this year! The doctor appointments are coming along slowly, but no news is okay news. I'm having lots of twitching especially in my left side, and had a partial side seizure on my left side. The overall pain and breakthrough pain has become worse, but that's because I'm so mobile lately! That's great news! Getting out and about is just so great, and I enjoy not feeling so drained all the time. Maybe it's the vitamins I've been taking.

I know I lucked out with medicare part D, my meds are all being covered without a hassle, and that's so great as well. So many people are having a hard time!

Nessa is getting so big, she's walking all the time now, and got 6 teeth, drinking only out of a sippy cup now, and loves the ballerina bear her Nascha sent her. Matthew has learned to make baklava, and Nascha loves that.

I'll b working on getting some auio and video from the interviews today online so they can bee seen and heard by you, and I'll be getting more glitter pics online as well. There's always more!

Love, Light and Sparkles for now,

Vanessa

4-06-2005 Wow...did I fall off the planet or what??? man, life sucked for a while. I got so much worse... Almost lost the house, the car... but not my life. Then the bank started working with us and helping us with our payments so we could stay on top of things. The car loan let us go on hiatus for 5 months and then redid our loan so we sould have much lower payments. Just when you think institutions won't help you out, they suprise you. Finally, in April 2004 we had the meeting with the judge, who is the final word after all the mess. He asked me two questions, and that was it. After he met me, saw my basket full of medications, my cane, my sister and husband helping me walk, he asked 'why am I here?'. I was so upset. Yes indeed; why were we there.

We got a positive referral from the judge, and finally got my first payment in August, and then the back pay at the end of August. 28,000. wow. I never saw so much money go in and out of my bank account so quickly. We caught up on the house, paid of the car, caught up on all the bills, bought some nice things for the house, and took a trip to New Orleans on our way to Phoenix.

Oh yes, I went to Phoenix for three months from October to the end of Dec. My daughter had a baby Dec 2; A beautiful baby girl named Vanessa Rose. She's so beautiful. I got to be there for the whole thing, and she had some problems at first so they had to keep her in the nursery on respiratory for a bit, so I had to go home to sleep. As I was leaving, I wanted a peek, and when I did they pulled up a rocker and had me hold her. Another nurse said 'hey- mom and dad haven't held her yet' and I said I don't think they'll mind. I sat there and held my granddaughter and we locked eyes and just connected completely for about ten minutes... It was amazing. I got up to go, but as soon as I got up to go, the nurse said 'oh, the baby's fine now, she can go see mom.'.
So I got to wheel her in to my daughter, show her how to nurse for the first time, and then left her and dad to spend the evening learning about their baby. It was beautiful.

We drove home from Phoenix in early Jan, and wow... from Phoenix to Wisconsin in January... tough! Well, we had a basement flood, lost a bunch of stuff in that. Then we recovered from that, then Feb 6. we had a breakin and someone stole our two
laptops (my link to the world!) while we were sleeping upstairs!! We were devastated. It was hell, and I had all my pictures of my new grandaughter on there. I cried so hard, and was sick for days. We finally got our replacement laptops, and I have spent all this time trying to get it working like the other one, which was only 5 months old, but it worked exactly the way I wanted it to. This one is just different enough that I can't seem to get everything right on it.

Which brings me to now. I'm feeling better, planted peas and zucchini starters for spring planting, and I'm getting up and around more. I have less down time, but storms really wrack my body. I have lots of things I'm doing now, primarily I deal with selling beading products; high end products to the public. I get very good discounts and I have no overhead, so I have good prices, and I also do Bead Parties. I go to the party (like a tupperware party) and evryone gets to make something, but no one has to buy anything if they don't want to. If they make something and they don't want to buy it, I'll take it and put it on the website. Then people can buy whatever parts they need while I'm there, or order what they need at anytime.

The website is www.2purplefeet.com. The story of 2 purple feet is about painting yourself into a corner. if you do, and you feel stuck, don't sit there and feel anxious and stuck, just run out and get purple feet.

Love and Light for now,

Vanessa

11-10-2003 Updated Intuitivetimes.com. The screening of Reeseville was last week; I wish I could have gone, but my back is still hurting so bad from the spinal surgery that didn't quite work out. Now I have to wait until the end of the month to get that checked, and I'm running out of pain meds again. I always feel like I have to beg for my pain meds, they seem to treat me like a junkie or something! I know people who just have year lon prescriptions, but no, I have to beg for thirty tablets that last me 10 days. Still no word on SSI, but got some response from the senator looking into it, and an update that he is still following up on it. Silly, he's essentially saying "you're still screwed", but somehow when the senator signs it himself with just his first name like we're buddies, it just doesn't seem as bad. lol.

My Bodycare business has taken a different turn in it's creation, and I'm alone now (by choice). I want to concentrate on blends of color and smell, chakra, and peaceful creation. I think I decided to call the company Parishaantaa, meaning "that which leads to peace." Still using my standard hand and spiral design. Right now I'm trying to get my lab (aka dining room) organized. all the samples I have, wondering which goes where, and what I can make. I love my sparkles and colors. I'm trying to get a hold of some reaelly nice pigment makeup recipe to make a sort of eye shadow pigment that could be used for any type of body work, especially any of my special effects work.

Our bearded dragons are getting so big, and they have such amazing personalities. Some love the lettuce more than the crickets, some run all day, some just bask all day. Some like to be rubbed for a long time, some just like a quick cuddle, then they have things to do. The adults are going into hibernation, so it's nice to not have to feed the big ones for a while. Poor baby though, she is all alone in her big cage, with no one to play with.

The other day Matthew built me a beading loom that stands on the floor behind the arm of the couch where I lay most of the day, and folds down and over so I can reach it in the position that is comfortable for me. It's 8 inches across, and 32 inchess long maximum. It also can flip over and stand so it can be used sitting in a chair, and the loom part can be removed to be used or threaded on a table. He's amazing, all I have to do is draw a picture or show him a picture of something, and he can build it to the specifications I need. He built a computer monitor that fits behind the couch and swings out on a lazy susan so I can b en the couch and use the computer.

I usually have been watching the sundance and IFC channel these days, and have my own independant film in the works regarding the frustration of fibromyalgia. I just need to find the equipment to borrow, or rent. I already have some vhs, but prefer 8mm. I have an outline, and am looking for some people to join in and interview, and get building shots of the hospital, and things like that. Something to do while I'm sitting here.\

My arms hurt now. I have to go. I'll write more later, please write if you feel like it, or have any input for me.

8-17-2003 Updated fibromyalgia page to have informated current on all pages of the site. Hoping to keep the journal up to date! Also added paypal cart to the stones page, and will keep adding the buttons to the stones as I can. Rebuilt intuitivetimes.com after server upgrades deleted all the files on that site, and NO, I did not have a backup... Transcen Body essentials now up and running, and the first set of products is up. New products are in development, and will be on the site by the 31st.

7-17-2003 Changing main page to remove frames, and adding paypal shopping cart until mine is working. Working day and night on the birth of our new store Transcend Body Essentials, which will be at www.transcendbodyessentials.com shortly, which is a very exciting new venture that you'll all love!

4-24-2003 Adding body and bath page with new lotions,oils,salts,and other products custom made for you- come and see!

4-24-2003 Updated psychic area with new book picture - got my autographed copy today!

1-3-2003 Updated psychic area with new book info - coming out 1/30/03! 1-3-2003 Contracted to do Special Effects for new independent vampire film... Back Home